Good times
12-16-2005, 10:03 PM
#8551
Contributing Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Anaheim Hills.
Posts: 986
CLICK ME!
12-17-2005, 06:09 PM
#8552
Contributing Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Pasadena,ca
Posts: 10,109
Captain Planet!
If we let this thread die, Chuck Norris will come to you in your sleep...
If we let this thread die, Chuck Norris will come to you in your sleep...
12-17-2005, 08:22 PM
#8553
Contributing Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Johnson City, TN
Posts: 3,122
Wow The Boondock Saints was good. Im a cracker for not ever watching it until now.
12-17-2005, 08:48 PM
#8554
Contributing Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: summerville S.C.
Posts: 620
yeah good movie
alot of killing in the name of...
makes you think about the justafacation of religion...
alot of killing in the name of...
makes you think about the justafacation of religion...
12-17-2005, 08:57 PM
#8555
Contributing Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Johnson City, TN
Posts: 3,122
Hey dude, a movie's a movie. Now im watching ******. Oh Boy.
12-19-2005, 02:07 PM
#8556
Contributing Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Waterford, Ca
Posts: 2,863
Hey guys whats going on?
12-19-2005, 03:10 PM
#8557
Contributing Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Here and there, mostly here.
Posts: 2,383
so apparently this is just to post random ****?
12-20-2005, 03:32 PM
#8558
Contributing Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Waterford, Ca
Posts: 2,863
^^^Lol...sure....
Things changed a little while I was gone...your a mod!!!!
Things changed a little while I was gone...your a mod!!!!
12-20-2005, 07:54 PM
#8559
Contributing Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: summerville S.C.
Posts: 620
so what did you all do today?
12-21-2005, 02:46 AM
#8560
Contributing Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Here and there, mostly here.
Posts: 2,383
i went to work the hung out with the friends and ate at dennys
12-21-2005, 05:25 AM
#8561
Contributing Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: PA
Posts: 651
Boondocks Saints definetly is a cool movie.
"You and your fu<king rope."
"You and your fu<king rope."
12-21-2005, 07:10 AM
#8562
Contributing Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Johnson City, TN
Posts: 3,122
"Oh, ill get your fucking rope!"
"And Shepherds we shall be
For thee, my Lord, for thee.
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand
Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands.
So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
And teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti."
"And Shepherds we shall be
For thee, my Lord, for thee.
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand
Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands.
So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
And teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti."
12-21-2005, 11:09 AM
#8563
Contributing Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: PA
Posts: 651
There are a few repeats in here, but I'm too lazy to weed them out.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Once Chuck Norris was denied a McGriddle at McDonalds because it was 10:35. He Roundhouse kicked the place into a Burger King.
Chuck Norris does not have your normal human-style, male nipples. He has a Dodge Ram hood ornament on each pec, and both rams blow smoke out of their noses each and every time he pumps Christy Brinkley.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids.
One day Chuck Norris looked in the mirror and said "No one outstares Chuck!" He is still there to this day.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living **** out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.
Chuck Norris owns 47,000 pairs of Cowboy boots. Every time he thinks of a new way he's better than Steven Segal, he buys another pair.
He doesn't pay for them, though. He simply finds a rattle snake, wills it into growing in the shape of a boot, kills it, and tans it, whole.
Chuck Norris doesn't act anymore, Chuck Norris writes about Chuck Norris in the internet.
Chuck Norris has no need to use physical force anymore, Chuck Norris grew so powerful he now only thinks about roundhousing people and the go flying across the room.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was "more humane".
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided into two.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes. Ever.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "****ing."
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later they discovered is the cause of Parkinson's disease.
Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down!
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's ****.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Hiroshima and Nagasaki were, in fact destroyed by Chuck Norris, not atomic bombs - after finding out he was called "fat man" and "little boy" by the US government, he refused to do anymore government work, except for occasional roundhouse kicks on elected officials.
Chuck Norris gets his powers from his beard.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Once Chuck Norris was denied a McGriddle at McDonalds because it was 10:35. He Roundhouse kicked the place into a Burger King.
Chuck Norris does not have your normal human-style, male nipples. He has a Dodge Ram hood ornament on each pec, and both rams blow smoke out of their noses each and every time he pumps Christy Brinkley.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids.
One day Chuck Norris looked in the mirror and said "No one outstares Chuck!" He is still there to this day.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living **** out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.
Chuck Norris owns 47,000 pairs of Cowboy boots. Every time he thinks of a new way he's better than Steven Segal, he buys another pair.
He doesn't pay for them, though. He simply finds a rattle snake, wills it into growing in the shape of a boot, kills it, and tans it, whole.
Chuck Norris doesn't act anymore, Chuck Norris writes about Chuck Norris in the internet.
Chuck Norris has no need to use physical force anymore, Chuck Norris grew so powerful he now only thinks about roundhousing people and the go flying across the room.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was "more humane".
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided into two.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes. Ever.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "****ing."
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later they discovered is the cause of Parkinson's disease.
Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down!
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's ****.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Hiroshima and Nagasaki were, in fact destroyed by Chuck Norris, not atomic bombs - after finding out he was called "fat man" and "little boy" by the US government, he refused to do anymore government work, except for occasional roundhouse kicks on elected officials.
Chuck Norris gets his powers from his beard.
12-21-2005, 11:10 AM
#8564
Contributing Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: PA
Posts: 651
Chuck Norris, not Ronald Reagan is responsible for the fall of communism - he found out that "Missing in Action III" wasn't being broadcast in the Soviet Union, and threatened to knock the birthmark off of Gorbechev's head. Gorby, terrified of a first class asskicking at the hands of the bearded one, went into hiding, and the entire government collapsed overnight.
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ****ing Indian.
Chuck Norris challenged a statue to a staring contest. Chuck remains undefeated.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris once ate 9 bullets and they lodged in one of his massive chocolate loafs. We now call that chocolate loaf 50 Cent.
Everytime Chuck Norris sneezes, an angel gets its wings, and a category 5 hurricane is born.
The hit Fox show “Man vs. Beast” was abruptly canceled after Chuck Norris beat a giraffe in a race, wrestled a bear to death, out-swam a dolphin, and roundhouse kicked the entire film crew in the face for the pitiful challenges they presented to him.
The reason there has been so many different Batman's is because Chuck Norris kept killing them off.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris once cut down a mighty redwood using only his *****. He was not erect at the time.
Chuck Norris' mother tried to terminate her pregnancy, but Chuck Norris survived the operation through the sheer determination of his will.
Every time you **********, Chuck Norris eats a baby Panda Bear.
Chuck Norris' favorite breakfast cereal is Kellog's Marbles n' Gravel.
Chuck Norris only sees one color "BLOOD".
Chuck Norris lights flaming bags of **** on porches that cannot be extinguised. This is because his fecal matter is the chemical compound commonly reffered to as napalm.
The Big Bang was a result of Chuck Norris learning how to effectively use the roundhouse kick.
The United States armed forces currently employ Chuck Norris in testing thier Abrams Main Battle Tank before sending them into combat. This is achieved by having Chuck Norris attempt to penetrate the hull armor with a single roundhouse kick. 90% of Abrams tanks fail this test.
Over 10,000 virgins had to be sacrificed before Chuck Norris would agree to cameo in the film "Dodgeball."
Abandoned by his mother at birth, Chuck Norris was discovered by South African zoologists naked, fully bearded and feeding upon the carcass of a lion he had just killed.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret
Chuck Norris does not see dead people. He eats them.
There is a new law that is currently under Senate review. If this law is passed, it will give Chuck Norris the responsibilty of patrolling the entire U.S./Mexico border.
Bruce Lee never died while filming "Game of Death" with Chuck Norris. The true cause of his disappearance is that Bruce Lee asked Chuck Norris to teach him how to perform a roundhouse kick. Being good friends, Chuck Norris promised to teach him, but only after Bruce Lee embarked on an epic journey of the spirit, that is still taking place entirely within Chuck Norris' beard.
There once was a man from Nantucket. Chuck Norris paralyzed him from the waist down
Much like the sun, Chuck Norris will cause blindness if looked at for pronlonged periods of time.
For every time Chuck Norris kills a man, an angel gets its wings. For every time a puppy dies, Chuck Norris laughs.
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.
Spike TV filmed a new show called "Ultimate Fighter: Chuck Norris Edition," that will never air due to the fact that all the contestants died in roundhouse kick to the face related incidents.
Chuck Norris eats tiger hearts every morning for strength, power, and wisdom. He eates men's hearts for sport.
There is no such thing as wind. What you feel is the breeze generated from Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking someone in the face.
Chuck Norris' money shot can actually be counted in $10s and $20s.
One gram of Chuck Norris will power the entire universe for 17 years if placed in a nuclear reactor instead of uranium or plutonium.
Chuck Norris once bench pressed Texas. He then found himself with an enormous appetite, so he decided to eat Rosanne Barr. Alive.
The the Geneva Convention specifically forbids the use of Chuck Norris in an international conflict.
In a fight between Batman and Superman, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck Norris ate its entire family, killed the farmer who bred it, and sex with the famers' wife all at the same time.
In 1959 Stephen Hawking became the first and only person to outsmart Chuck Norris. He learned his lesson.
Chuck Norris will become president in the year 2008 after he beats every member of the electoral college in a 537 to 1 caged death match.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Professor X. Thats how he ended up in a wheelchair.
Chuck Norris found Carmen Sandiego.
Chuck Norris believes strongly in ending world hunger. He plans to do this by terminating the populations of all third world countries.
God created heaven and earth, he then created man. Man overpopulated the earth, so, God created Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris always throws rock, if you throw paper you get his rock in your face.
Chuck Norris wipes with 40 grit sand paper.
It wasn't the chicken or the egg. It was Chuck Norris.
When the Incredible Hulk gets angry he transforms into Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris eats coal and ****s diamonds.
Osama Bin Laden is not hiding in the mountains of Tora Bora from the United States. But instead, he is hiding from Chuck Norris because Bin Laden claims his beard possesses more power and strength than Chuck Norris'. Needless to say, Chuck Norris is ****ing pissed off.
Chuck Norris has never given anyone the finger. However, it is believed that the event could flatten landscape within a 30 mile radius.
The only weaknesses of Superman are kryptonite and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris slaps Vin Diesel whenever he feels like it.
Chuck Norris trims his beard with a chainsaw.
Mr. T once pittied Chuck Norris. He never made that mistake again.
Here's three passages from Sun Tzu's book "The Art of War".
To be certain to take what you attack, attack where the enemy cannot defend.
To be certain of safety when defending, defend where the enemy cannot attack.
To be certain you live, if you see a pile of dead children and senior citizens, get the **** out of there. It's Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only person alive to have successfully outwitted Sccoby Doo and the Mystery Machine.
Vin Diesel has only had one nightmare in his lifetime. It involved Chuck Norris, and his murderous group of Oompa-Loompas.
Chuck Norris attends Spring Break every year because where there's drinking, there's fighting, where there's fighting, there's kicking, and where there's kicking, there's Chuck.
Chuck Norris went to a fortune teller once. She predicted pain.
Video didn't kill the radio star: Chuck Norris did. With a roundhouse kick.
Despite his fabled sexual prowess, Chuck Norris does in fact have one true love. That true love's name is Pain.
Chuck Norris punches kittens for sheer enjoyment.
Chuck Norris never wet the bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
God doesn't let bad things happen to good people, Chuck Norris does
When Chuck Norris chews bubblegum, the bubblegum screams.
Chuck Norris ate Mike Tyson's children.
Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the **** out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ****ing Indian.
Chuck Norris challenged a statue to a staring contest. Chuck remains undefeated.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris once ate 9 bullets and they lodged in one of his massive chocolate loafs. We now call that chocolate loaf 50 Cent.
Everytime Chuck Norris sneezes, an angel gets its wings, and a category 5 hurricane is born.
The hit Fox show “Man vs. Beast” was abruptly canceled after Chuck Norris beat a giraffe in a race, wrestled a bear to death, out-swam a dolphin, and roundhouse kicked the entire film crew in the face for the pitiful challenges they presented to him.
The reason there has been so many different Batman's is because Chuck Norris kept killing them off.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris once cut down a mighty redwood using only his *****. He was not erect at the time.
Chuck Norris' mother tried to terminate her pregnancy, but Chuck Norris survived the operation through the sheer determination of his will.
Every time you **********, Chuck Norris eats a baby Panda Bear.
Chuck Norris' favorite breakfast cereal is Kellog's Marbles n' Gravel.
Chuck Norris only sees one color "BLOOD".
Chuck Norris lights flaming bags of **** on porches that cannot be extinguised. This is because his fecal matter is the chemical compound commonly reffered to as napalm.
The Big Bang was a result of Chuck Norris learning how to effectively use the roundhouse kick.
The United States armed forces currently employ Chuck Norris in testing thier Abrams Main Battle Tank before sending them into combat. This is achieved by having Chuck Norris attempt to penetrate the hull armor with a single roundhouse kick. 90% of Abrams tanks fail this test.
Over 10,000 virgins had to be sacrificed before Chuck Norris would agree to cameo in the film "Dodgeball."
Abandoned by his mother at birth, Chuck Norris was discovered by South African zoologists naked, fully bearded and feeding upon the carcass of a lion he had just killed.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret
Chuck Norris does not see dead people. He eats them.
There is a new law that is currently under Senate review. If this law is passed, it will give Chuck Norris the responsibilty of patrolling the entire U.S./Mexico border.
Bruce Lee never died while filming "Game of Death" with Chuck Norris. The true cause of his disappearance is that Bruce Lee asked Chuck Norris to teach him how to perform a roundhouse kick. Being good friends, Chuck Norris promised to teach him, but only after Bruce Lee embarked on an epic journey of the spirit, that is still taking place entirely within Chuck Norris' beard.
There once was a man from Nantucket. Chuck Norris paralyzed him from the waist down
Much like the sun, Chuck Norris will cause blindness if looked at for pronlonged periods of time.
For every time Chuck Norris kills a man, an angel gets its wings. For every time a puppy dies, Chuck Norris laughs.
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.
Spike TV filmed a new show called "Ultimate Fighter: Chuck Norris Edition," that will never air due to the fact that all the contestants died in roundhouse kick to the face related incidents.
Chuck Norris eats tiger hearts every morning for strength, power, and wisdom. He eates men's hearts for sport.
There is no such thing as wind. What you feel is the breeze generated from Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking someone in the face.
Chuck Norris' money shot can actually be counted in $10s and $20s.
One gram of Chuck Norris will power the entire universe for 17 years if placed in a nuclear reactor instead of uranium or plutonium.
Chuck Norris once bench pressed Texas. He then found himself with an enormous appetite, so he decided to eat Rosanne Barr. Alive.
The the Geneva Convention specifically forbids the use of Chuck Norris in an international conflict.
In a fight between Batman and Superman, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck Norris ate its entire family, killed the farmer who bred it, and sex with the famers' wife all at the same time.
In 1959 Stephen Hawking became the first and only person to outsmart Chuck Norris. He learned his lesson.
Chuck Norris will become president in the year 2008 after he beats every member of the electoral college in a 537 to 1 caged death match.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Professor X. Thats how he ended up in a wheelchair.
Chuck Norris found Carmen Sandiego.
Chuck Norris believes strongly in ending world hunger. He plans to do this by terminating the populations of all third world countries.
God created heaven and earth, he then created man. Man overpopulated the earth, so, God created Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris always throws rock, if you throw paper you get his rock in your face.
Chuck Norris wipes with 40 grit sand paper.
It wasn't the chicken or the egg. It was Chuck Norris.
When the Incredible Hulk gets angry he transforms into Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris eats coal and ****s diamonds.
Osama Bin Laden is not hiding in the mountains of Tora Bora from the United States. But instead, he is hiding from Chuck Norris because Bin Laden claims his beard possesses more power and strength than Chuck Norris'. Needless to say, Chuck Norris is ****ing pissed off.
Chuck Norris has never given anyone the finger. However, it is believed that the event could flatten landscape within a 30 mile radius.
The only weaknesses of Superman are kryptonite and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris slaps Vin Diesel whenever he feels like it.
Chuck Norris trims his beard with a chainsaw.
Mr. T once pittied Chuck Norris. He never made that mistake again.
Here's three passages from Sun Tzu's book "The Art of War".
To be certain to take what you attack, attack where the enemy cannot defend.
To be certain of safety when defending, defend where the enemy cannot attack.
To be certain you live, if you see a pile of dead children and senior citizens, get the **** out of there. It's Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only person alive to have successfully outwitted Sccoby Doo and the Mystery Machine.
Vin Diesel has only had one nightmare in his lifetime. It involved Chuck Norris, and his murderous group of Oompa-Loompas.
Chuck Norris attends Spring Break every year because where there's drinking, there's fighting, where there's fighting, there's kicking, and where there's kicking, there's Chuck.
Chuck Norris went to a fortune teller once. She predicted pain.
Video didn't kill the radio star: Chuck Norris did. With a roundhouse kick.
Despite his fabled sexual prowess, Chuck Norris does in fact have one true love. That true love's name is Pain.
Chuck Norris punches kittens for sheer enjoyment.
Chuck Norris never wet the bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
God doesn't let bad things happen to good people, Chuck Norris does
When Chuck Norris chews bubblegum, the bubblegum screams.
Chuck Norris ate Mike Tyson's children.
Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the **** out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
12-21-2005, 11:11 AM
#8565
Contributing Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: PA
Posts: 651
And yes I needed three posts.
Chuck Norris wasn't born, he was forged.
Chuck Norris does not live life on the edge; life lives on the edge of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented time zones in order to more efficiently schedule world wide *** kickings.
If you ever get close enough to look, you will see that the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are, in fact, all Chuck Norris.
There is nothing to fear but fear itself, and fear itself fears Chuck Norris.
Contrary to popular belief, it was not Moses who freed the Israelites from Egypt. It was in fact Chuck Norris who delivered a sanctimonious roundhouse kick to the Red Sea, parting it for hours.
Vin Diesel's hair is too afraid of Chuck Norris to grow.
For Chuck Norris, Bloodstain Remover is tax deductable.
Chuck Norris does not take a bite out of crime. He swallows crime whole and demands seconds.
Chuck Norris ejaculates C-4 explosives and uses his manly emissions to eliminate inner city pre-schools.
Rainbows are what happens when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Richard Simmons.
The Greeks only put one man in the legendary Trojan Horse. You know who he was... and he knows you know.
If the cliche "You are what you eat" is true, then Chuck Norris is a *****in*****in' combination of monster truck tires, Godzilla, and magma from the earth's most active volcanoes.
As a young child Chuck Norris and his school yard friends enjoyed an occasional game of "Hungry Hungry Hippo", with real Hippopotamuses.
Chuck Norris throws midgets for fun. He used to do it competitively, but it all ended horribly when he killed the pope.
The last time Chuck Norris slept is now known as the Ice Age.
Chuck Norris once went into a room with ten bad guys in it, but only had nine bullets. He came out without a scratch, and a full clip.
The sun hides in fear every time Chuck Norris ***********. We know these periods of darkness as "night".
Chuck Norris eats babies and ****s Delta Force team members.
Death came for Chuck Norris in 1992, Chuck then roundhouse kicked Death in the face saying, "I decide when people die".
At the end of the cold war, one of the Soviets key stipulations of the Nuclear disarmament treaty was that Chuck Norris would never leave the 48 contiguous states.
The Great Wall of China was in fact created to keep Chuck Norris from invading, not the Mongols.
Chuck Norris is Darth Vader's father.
Chuck Norris wasn't born, he was forged.
Chuck Norris does not live life on the edge; life lives on the edge of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented time zones in order to more efficiently schedule world wide *** kickings.
If you ever get close enough to look, you will see that the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are, in fact, all Chuck Norris.
There is nothing to fear but fear itself, and fear itself fears Chuck Norris.
Contrary to popular belief, it was not Moses who freed the Israelites from Egypt. It was in fact Chuck Norris who delivered a sanctimonious roundhouse kick to the Red Sea, parting it for hours.
Vin Diesel's hair is too afraid of Chuck Norris to grow.
For Chuck Norris, Bloodstain Remover is tax deductable.
Chuck Norris does not take a bite out of crime. He swallows crime whole and demands seconds.
Chuck Norris ejaculates C-4 explosives and uses his manly emissions to eliminate inner city pre-schools.
Rainbows are what happens when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Richard Simmons.
The Greeks only put one man in the legendary Trojan Horse. You know who he was... and he knows you know.
If the cliche "You are what you eat" is true, then Chuck Norris is a *****in*****in' combination of monster truck tires, Godzilla, and magma from the earth's most active volcanoes.
As a young child Chuck Norris and his school yard friends enjoyed an occasional game of "Hungry Hungry Hippo", with real Hippopotamuses.
Chuck Norris throws midgets for fun. He used to do it competitively, but it all ended horribly when he killed the pope.
The last time Chuck Norris slept is now known as the Ice Age.
Chuck Norris once went into a room with ten bad guys in it, but only had nine bullets. He came out without a scratch, and a full clip.
The sun hides in fear every time Chuck Norris ***********. We know these periods of darkness as "night".
Chuck Norris eats babies and ****s Delta Force team members.
Death came for Chuck Norris in 1992, Chuck then roundhouse kicked Death in the face saying, "I decide when people die".
At the end of the cold war, one of the Soviets key stipulations of the Nuclear disarmament treaty was that Chuck Norris would never leave the 48 contiguous states.
The Great Wall of China was in fact created to keep Chuck Norris from invading, not the Mongols.
Chuck Norris is Darth Vader's father.